Teaching Teens To Be Moms
By Carolyn Lange, West Central Tribune,
Willmar
Angie Mateski was 16 years old
and a junior at the Willmar Senior High School when she gave birth to a
baby boy.
Gutsy and determined, she
battled the embarrassment she felt she'd brought to her family and
graduated from high school. To help achieve her goal of being legally
independent, Mateski was told to attend a support group called "Community
Teen Moms."
Fifteen years later, Mateski, 31, is now helping other young mothers learn
how to cope with the reality of being a teenager and a mom. Mateski is the
facilitator for Community Teen Moms, which is a collaborative effort
between Lutheran Social Service and Kandiyohi County family services and
public health. The United Way and grants from Target and Bremer augment
funding.
Mateski's close friend, Corie
Haverly, who'd had a baby when she was 18, was also a member of Teen Moms
in the 90s. Haverly also currently works with LSS youth programs and
participates with Mateski on projects for Teen Moms.
Every week about a dozen young
women attend the Teen Moms session to learn practical parenting and living
skills and to vent their frustrations of being a young mother. The group
gives support to mothers who have barely left childhood themselves, just
like Mateski and Haverly.
"It's very difficult to be a
child and a parent at the same time," said Mateski, who wanted to be an
independent mother at 16, yet was still dependent on her own mother.
"Teen Moms gave me purpose in life," said Haverly, who admits to having a
difficult childhood. She said she wanted a baby who would "love me
unconditionally" but found herself all alone and ill-equipped when it came
to raising her child. She said she "totally learned how to be a mother,"
by going to Teen Moms.
"I finally had somewhere to go
where I fit in," she said. "It's the only place in the world where people
cared enough, that I knew they cared."
As former teen moms, and now
maturing mothers, Haverly and Mateski are passionate about their work with
the group and the promising future for the young mothers they work with.
Mateski and Haverly have been
in the girls' shoes, but that's not a prerequisite for working with teen
moms. Giving the girls respect and building relationships built on trust
are the most important factors, they said. At Community Teen Moms, there
is no judging and there is nothing said that will shock anyone, including
the facilitators. "I've been there. I've done that," said Haverly.
Teen Moms has "created an
environment where an adolescent parent is comfortable enough to seek out
the information they need to be a good parent," said Mary Holstad, social
worker for minor parents with Kandiyohi County.
For the young moms there are
hard lessons to learn and a very young age, said Holstad. "The teen moms I
work with want to be the best moms they can be. I sincerely believe that.
But they have a lot to deal with."
Besides being a peer support
group, Teen Mom sessions include presentations from community
professionals and businesses on issues like health insurance, banking,
buying a used car, renting a home, consumer credit and child support. They
also discuss healthy male and female relationship and the challenge of
cooking meals, cleaning house, dealing with a crying baby and getting
homework done.
The group also helps the young
mothers have some fun and be a kid. "It's a time in their life when
they're still not an adult, but they have to be an adult," said Holstad.
"They need time to be that child."
Liz Christenson, youth program
director for LSS, said Community Teen Moms is helping to create healthy
young women who are able to raise healthy children. The girls also give
back to the community through volunteer efforts that make them feel part
of society and not apart from society.
"The kids we work with are
dynamite and they are going places," said Christenson, who compares Teen
Moms to planting seeds in a garden and "waiting to see what happens."
