CONTACT:
Greg Nelson
LSS Counseling & Family Resources
507/625-7660
Jackie Nelson
LSS Communications Office
651/969-2286
Ways Around Money
Problems in Your Marriage
There's little disagreement that money is a primary reason
why couples argue in their marriage. Why does money produce such a heated
battleground and cause such anguish, especially in households that have
adequate financial resources?
"Money can be a very emotional topic for couples,"
explains Greg Nelson, clinical director for Lutheran Social Service. "Our
values about money may be very different. Some of us may tie our
self-worth to money and material things. For others, being thrifty is a
value learned from our childhood and one we carry with us into adulthood.
Such a value may clash with our spouse, who may be a spender."
When couples have financial problems in their marriage,
Nelson says that the problems are not so much due to a lack of money, but
have more to do with different views about spending priorities. What can
couples do to handle disagreements before they become more serious? When
money problems arise, Lutheran Social Service suggests these tips:
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Keep arguments contained in the marriage. A
family's money problems are an adult issue. Parents need to work out their
financial concerns together and not with their children. Depending on the
child's age, certainly some of the results of the parents' discussion can
be shared. Example: "Mommy and Daddy have decided that we need to pay off
our credit cards, so we're only going to eat out once a month for awhile."
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Talk values. Find a way to communicate together
about your values, your needs and your wants. Rather than taking opposing
positions, seek common ground. Example: "How can we benefit from saving an
extra $100 a month and how can we benefit from spending it on __?"
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Use a win/win approach. Win/win means that you want
to end up feeling closer, that you agree to disagree on some things, that
you acknowledge each other's viewpoint as valid, and that you treat each
other with high respect. Example: "How can we design a plan to save more
AND still buy that CD system?"
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Get the chaos organized. If you are struggling with
financial problems, come up with a plan to solve your problems. If you are
unable to develop a workable plan that you both can agree on, get some
professional financial advice through a reputable consumer credit
counseling agency, such as the LSS Financial Counseling Service.
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Need counseling support? Signing up for a
counseling appointment with your spouse may be one of the best things you
can do to get unstuck and to strengthen your marriage.
Lutheran Social Service offers individual, couple, and
family counseling through 44 professional offices statewide. Many
counselors are specially trained with various areas of experience,
including healthy relationships, grief and loss, depression and child
therapy. For more information, call 1.888.881.8261.
The non-profit organization serves over 100,000
Minnesotans yearly with services in 300 Minnesota communities, and a
professional staff of 2,300 people. LSS serves all people regardless of
race, color, creed, religion, national origin, sex, sexual orientation,
disability or age. Comprehensive information about statewide services can
be found through the agency's web site at
www.lssmn.org
