Seasonal Changes:
Reminders can Rekindle Feelings of Loss
When fall comes our way, our
attention turns to many enjoyable "traditions," such as, taking in the
fall colors on a drive, watching football games, volunteering in school
activities, raking leaves or sitting around a fire.
But seasonal changes can also
bring about painful reminders of losses in our lives. A certain smell or
sound may trigger the remembrance of the loss. Anticipating the upcoming
holidays can evoke a sense of dread for those who will be celebrating
without a loved one.
John Manz, therapist with
Lutheran Social Service, says that seasons in our lives can remind us of
many different kinds of losses, from the death of a loved one or a loss in
health, to aging and the passing of milestones with our children. He adds
that grief from these losses can take the form of a beast that "moves in
as an uninvited guest, takes over and is not willing to be evicted."
Manz uses a BEAST
acronym in his work to help people cope with feelings of grief and loss,
as well as, offer helpful ideas to others who want to help loved ones
through a difficult time:
Belief System: Think
about your own beliefs and use them to help you make sense out of your
suffering. Christians, for example, can remember that suffering is at the
center of the life of Christ and is where God meets them.
Educate Yourself:
Become more knowledgeable about grief and loss so that you can deal more
effectively with personal issues. Turn your grief into something good. For
example, give to a charity in honor of a loved one who has died. Or, start
a new tradition to ease the time of loss.
Allow for Feelings:
Feelings help us get through the loss. Try not to ignore them. Identify
your feelings and acknowledge that they are a natural part of the healing
process.
Self-Care: Balance time
alone with togetherness. Some people have a tendency to punish themselves
with too much alone time, or fall into a state of depression with little
energy to care for themselves. That's a good time to ask for help and seek
support. Friends and relatives are encouraged to call, write a note or
bring over a dish of food without waiting for the grieving person to ask
for help.
Talk: Put words to your
grief. Stay in community with others. Grief groups are a good way to sort
through emotions and concerns with others who can understand. A trusted
friend or counselor can also be a good alternative.
"Everyone goes through times
of grief and loss," Manz says. "It's part of life. To grow and get through
losses well, we can put useful strategies to work that can help us heal
and manage our lives better."
Lutheran Social Service offers
individual, couple, and family counseling through 44 professional offices
statewide. Many counselors are specially trained with various areas of
experience, grief and loss, including healthy relationships, depression
and child therapy. For more information, call 1.888.881.8261.
The non-profit organization,
headquartered in St. Paul, serves over 100,000 Minnesotans yearly with
services in 300 Minnesota communities, and a professional staff of 2,300
people. LSS serves all people regardless of race, color, creed, religion,
national origin, sex, sexual orientation, disability or age. Comprehensive
information about statewide services can be found through the agency's web
site at www.lssmn.org
